Other children may feel that their views have been ignored thus far and would welcome the opportunity to be heard. Perhaps they resent their parents speaking for them or feel that one parent is pressuring them into an arrangement that upsets them. Others may accept simply because they are curious! The benefits, if they do attend, have been set out in the mediators’ go-to textbook: ‘Family Mediation’ by Lisa Parkinson1. Lisa has done more than anyone to develop and promote the practice of childinclusive mediation. I have summarised her key takeaways: - Offering a child the opportunity to talk shows respect for them as individuals and recognises their legal right to be consulted if they wish. Art.12 of the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child, to which the UK has been a part since 1991, states that every child has the right to express their views and wishes in all matters affecting them and to have their views considered and taken seriously. - A child may need reassurances that a parent has been unable to give them. This can be a two-way process, as the mediator can share the parents’ messages with the child. The mediator can reassure children that their feelings about their parents’ separation are normal and that the problems they are experiencing are not their fault. - Sharing messages from a child, at the child’s request, helps parents to take their needs into account and make arrangements that are more likely to work in practice. - The conversation with the child may dispel misunderstandings, for example, that a child does not want to see a parent, when the child does – but in a different way. - The process enables a child to express concerns about the family, such as the practicalities of having their parents in two different homes, or more significant risks which will need careful exploration and possibly a referral for safeguarding. - A child may find it easier to talk with an empathetic third party who helps them to talk freely without fear of upsetting a parent. - Some children want to explain their wishes to their parents themselves and some parents want to explain their decisions to their children. A mediator can host a family meeting for this mutual feedback, obviously needing to do this with great care and sensitivity. It is important that the mediator makes very sure that they only feedback what the child has given them permission to say. The child needs to be relieved of any sense of responsibility to ‘sort out’ their parents’ issues. The mediator must discuss the implications if the child wants to be very directive, as they may not appreciate the long-term impact of that. Can judges ask mediators to see the children caught up in legal proceedings and then feedback their comments to the court? Definitely not, but that has not stopped judges from asking! Given the delays and pressures at court, it is predictable that these requests are increasing. However, it is fundamental to the very nature of mediation that it is a confidential and standalone process. Mediators can be naturally helpful, so they can find these requests hard to refuse. Yet it is vital not to erode the clear and distinct space our profession occupies. We are not an outsourced agency of the justice system! What is the suggested (and typical) age range of children who may be involved in child-inclusive family mediation? All accredited mediators abide by a Code of Practice, which states that all children and young people aged 10 and above should be offered the opportunity to have their voices heard directly during the mediation. How should children be prepared for their participation in mediation? The preparation starts with the discussions with the parents and only after having received their joint permission to do so. It is likely now that most children will be contacted via email rather than by letter, but the parents may have their own suggestions. In the first contact with the child, the mediator should explain who they are, 38 LAWYER MONTHLY NOVEMBER 2023
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